Summer with Remus
by wren10514
Summary: PostOotP angst. Harry spends the hols with Remus. [siriusxremus implied slash] see the sequel Summer with Remus 2


**Disclaimer:** characters belong to J.K.

**Summer with Remus**

_Summer before HBP. Harry has just arrived to stay with the Order after his time at the Dursley's._

Harry crashed his trunk into the corner of the room, shaking the blank picture on the wall and emitting from it mumbled cursing as the absent occupant caught the shockwave. Hedwig chirped angrily in her cage as he set her down harshly on the bed. Harry apologised as he let her out, but she still give him a nip as she flew out the window in a huff. He couldn't blame her for being annoyed with him right now, after putting up with his behaviour at the Dursley's; pacing his room till exhaustion then throwing whatever he could find at the walls in fury. And now he was allowed back into the fold again as if nothing had changed in the past year; as if the prophecy had never been made, as if Sirius…as if Sirius wasn't…gone. No, not gone! Dead! Sirius is dead and they're acting as if everything is still the same! And they know that he, Harry, is the only one who can get rid of Voldemort, but he's stuck up here while they have their fucking secret meetings downstairs.

Voices started drifting up the stairs. They'd finally managed to get Mrs Black's picture off the wall so at least there was no fear of her screeching starting up, and Kreacher had fled to the next surviving Black relative, so there was no need to worry about his spying either. Still they talked in low voices as if expecting him to be listening in. Well they didn't need to worry about that either: there was nothing he wanted to hear. Fred and George had given him a couple of free Extendable Ears just in case, but they were busy with their shop and had no time to eavesdrop themselves. Ron and Hermione would probably be around sooner or later, but Ron had written to warn him that Mrs Weasley was on the war path after their close call at the end of the year and was determined to keep all the children out of Order business – which probably meant Harry would have to visit them rather than the other way round.

Soft footsteps padded up the stairs and paused outside his room. After a moment there was a tentative knock at the door.

"Harry? I'm making some tea. If you want some I'll be in the kitchen."

Hearing Lupin's querulous voice, made Harry sigh in defeat. He wanted to be living here with Lupin, he really did, it would just take time to get used to being excluded from everything again. Shucking off his coat and stuffing his wand in his pocket, Harry sloped off to the kitchen. The smell of cookies and coffee wafted up to him, making his mouth water and his pace quicken. Lupin was just pouring his tea as Harry entered and he looked up with a shy smile.

"Hi. I wasn't sure if you'd want tea or coffee so I made both."

Harry found he could smile back. "Thanks. Coffee would be great."

"Help yourself to biscuits."

He didn't need telling twice and dove towards the plate. "Cheers Professor Lupin."

Lupin gave a brittle laugh. "Harry you're going to be living here, please call me Remus."

"Remus."

"Better. Come on; let's go sit somewhere more comfortable."

They ended up in the living room, sitting across from each other on rather droopy old sofas, the cookies and drinks precariously perched on a dilapidated coffee table, that looked like it was about to fall over.

There was silence for a moment as they sipped their drinks.

"Ah, that's better. Sorry I could help you get settled, Harry, the meeting was supposed to be over about three hours ago."

Harry felt himself tense at the mention of the meeting. "That's Ok; I know my way around from last summer."

An uncomfortable silence settled and stretched between them.

"Was everything Ok with your aunt and uncle, Harry? They didn't give you any trouble did they?"

Harry could hear the concern in Remus' voice, but the mention of the Dursley's made the anger start to boil up in him again. "As good as it ever is I suppose. After a while I think they managed to convince themselves that nothing unusual had happened at the station, but they left me pretty much alone, which is about as good as it gets in the Dursley household."

Remus looked into his tea. "I'm sorry you ever have to go back there Harry. I wish you could have come straight here."

Harry didn't answer. He refused to answer. He knew if he did he would only explode at Remus and he didn't want to do that. The rage was boiling up inside him again at the unjustness of it all.

"Harry? Are you alright?"

Something snapped inside him. "No! No, I'm not alright! I've just got here from the house of mutual hatred, to get to be in a house where I'm shut out anyway! The damn Order and its damn meetings! Dumbledore told me all about the prophecy about me and Voldemort. Either I kill him or he kills me, that's the only two ways this can end and yet I'm still not important enough to know what you're doing. I've barely heard a word from anyone about what's going on in the wizard world: the only person who ever used to sneak me information…" here tears sprang to his eyes as he forced himself to say the name "…Sirius…is dead! I've lost my entire family now and no one seems to care! No one will even mention him and now I've got to deal with what I've gotta do all on my own-"

Harry wasn't sure when he had stood up but he stumbled backward, almost falling over the sofa behind him as Remus stood, flinging his teacup against the wall, where it shattered, staining the wall with tea and taking chips out of the plaster with the force of the impact.

"Don't you dare talk as if none of this has affected anyone else! Voldemort isn't just your problem Harry! He's been around a hell of a lot longer than you have and who do you think's been dealing with him? Huh? Us, that's who, and we've suffered for it! Do you know how many of the Order have been killed by him, tortured? James and Lily weren't just your parents Harry, they were my best friends. More than that, they were my pack! I finally find people who will accept me as a werewolf, not only that but they went through their own transformations for me. Do you know what it meant to me to have them there? To have people to stop me tearing at my own flesh? People who loved me, a bond closer than friends, closer than family! Voldemort killed James and Lily and I thought I would die with the loss of them. Peter betrayed the pack and it would have been better if he had died. The thought of Sirius' innocence was the only thing that kept me sane all those years and now he's dead! Sirius…" Remus looked like he might make a lunge at Harry, but torn himself away to face the wall. "Did you know? He was my mate."

Harry was stunned. He had never guessed…but now he thought about it it made sense. They had fit together so perfectly he had never even thought to question it. Harry's anger was gone as if it had never been, all his thoughts going out to Remus as the other man braced himself against the opposite wall.

"Harry go. Please, I don't want to hurt you."

The pain in his friend's voice steeled his resolve. "No."

"Harry, this is not to time to act the hero. I'm not human, I can hurt you, go now."

Harry shook his head, though he knew Remus couldn't see. "No, Remus. You won't hurt me. I know I don't know much about wolves, but I know that everyone looks after the cubs. We're pack too."

Remus crumpled to the floor, still leaning against the wall, all tension poured out of him in one go. Unafraid, Harry settled on the floor beside him and wrapped his arms around the seated figure. They stayed there for a long time, both in silent mourning for lost family. Someone was knocking at the door, letting themselves in, but neither moved. When voices came from down the hall calling them, Remus roused himself enough to sit in Harry's vacated seat on the sofa, his back to the door, his head in his hands. Harry stood in front of him, a hand on his shoulder, watching the doorway. When Ginny and Hermione appeared he glared at them pointedly.

"Hey Harry! How you been?" Ron announced as he came into the room, but Ginny and Hermione grabbed him, and pulled him away to the sounds of Ron's confused protestations.

"You don't have to stay with me Harry," came Remus' muffled voice. He looked up into Harry's face with brave red rimmed eyes. "I'm fine. Go have fun."

Harry shook his head, his own tears threatening to spill. "No, I'll tell them to go. I think we're both long past needing someone to talk to."

Remus sighed in relief. "I couldn't agree more."

3


End file.
